Today is May 4 and the Navigate the Chaos question to consider is “are you more clever or kind?” While navigating the chaos of life there are many choices to make. One such choice rests with the decision to choose between being clever or kind.
Life requires us to be both at times but the real task is to figure out when to be clever and when to be kind. Being clever at the expense of being kind can be hurtful.
In a 2010 Baccalaureate address at his alma mater Princeton University titled “We Are What We Choose,” Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon, recalled a trip he took with his grandparents when he was young.
During a road trip, his grandmother started to smoke in the car. Bezos, a self-proclaimed precocious 10-year-old, laboriously calculated the damage to her health that his grandmother was doing by smoking.
His conclusion was that, at two minutes per puff, she was taking nine years off her life. When he proudly told her of his finding, she burst into tears. His grandfather stopped the car, pulled alongside the road and said to Bezos: “One day you’ll understand that it’s harder to be kind than clever.”
In his speech, Bezos went on to distinguish between gifts and choices. “Cleverness,” he said, “is a gift. Kindness is a choice. Gifts are easy—they’re given, after all. Choices can be hard.” He then challenged the graduating students to think carefully about their ability to be clever or being kind.
Sir Alfred Downing Fripp, a British surgeon responsible for the reorganization of the Royal Army Medical Corps after the Boer War noted: "If we cannot be clever, we can always be kind."
At any point during our navigation of the daily chaos we can choose to be kind. Being kind requires no college degree, no access to capital, no brand of car, or no social media presence. Being kind is perhaps the easiest thing you can do for someone else.
But herein lies the problem. Being kind is extremely challenging when people mistake your kindness for weakness.
This misunderstanding of kindness for weakness is a common phenomenon found throughout popular culture. One such example can be found in the 2015 song "FourFiveSeconds” recorded by Barbadian singer Rihanna, American rapper Kanye West, and English musician Paul McCartney.
I think I've had enough
I might get a little drunk
I say what's on my mind
I might do a little time
'Cause all of my kindness
Is taken for weakness
Now I'm FourFiveSeconds from wildin'
If your kindness is taken for weakness for too long, you might get close to, as the song says “wildin’ or fighting. In another popular culture reference to this mistaking kindness for weakness life situation, Christopher Walken’s character of Mikey in the 2002 film Poolhouse Junkies gives the following ‘Lion Speech:’
“You got this lion, he’s the king of the jungle. Huge mane out to here. He’s laying down under a tree, in the middle of Africa, he’s so big, he’s so hot! He doesn’t wanna move. Now, the little lion cubs they start messin’ with him, bitin’ his tail, bitin’ his ears, he doesn’t do anything. The lioness, she starts messing with him, coming over making trouble, still nothing. Now the other animals, they notice this, and they start to move in. The jackals, hyenas, they’re barking at him, laughing at him. They nip his toes and eat the food that’s in his domain. They do this and they get closer and closer and bolder and bolder, till one day…that lion gets up and tears the shit outta everybody, runs like the wind, eats everything in his path, ’cause every once in a while, the lion has to show the jackals who he is.”
So be kind as much as possible. But if your kindness is mistaken for weakness and you keep getting attacked, realize at some point you will need to go ‘wildin’ on those eating your food, barking at you, and laughing at you.
Being walked on will prevent you from navigating the chaos. Like so many decisions in life there is a fine line here. You first need to decide if a life situation requires you to be clever or kind. And if kindness is your choice then you need to decide if people are mistaking your kindness for weakness. If so, how long will you tolerate it before you show them you are king of the jungle?